Pray. Love. Seek. Laugh. Smile.

Will I be missed?

Such a scary thought.

study break teehee

I’ve been studying for so many hours, yet I feel like i got nothing done… -__- anyways, i need to take a break so i’ll write about something that i was 감동ed, or touched, by this morning. I woke up to a very encouraging text message from a friend who I haven’t talked to in a while. This is what he texted me:

너아직도 시험보는지 모른대 다영아 잘해야대! 열공하구 밥잘먹고 화이팅!!!

I’m the type of person that gives a lot of encouragement. Even last night, I stayed up sending encouraging text messages to some of my friends to study hard. I was so touched when I unexpectedly received an encouraging text message from a friend who I haven’t been texting regularly. Puhaha it gave me a good laugh too cus i’m pretty sure his korean is off. lol but it’s the thought that counts. I get touched by the smallest things.

I was also touched by another friend who offered me a place to stay for really cheap during the summer and even 3rd year! I never even told her that I need a place to stay, but she was the one who mentioned it first and offered me her house! Man, GOD provides!

These kinds of genuine friends are rare and hard to find, but I’m glad God placed these people and my other friends in my life. I think I’ve been trying too hard to get closer to people who really don’t care about me, instead of focusing on my genuine friends. I’m not going to do that anymore. Who cares if they don’t like me or don’t care about me? I’ll rather have a few genuine friends than a bunch of fake ones. I should really give my genuine friends more attention if I don’t want to lose them.

It’s just really hard for me to reach out to people. I’m really good at it when I first meet someone, but later on, I get lazy. In the beginning, I’ll be the one texting first and checking up on the other person, but later I rarely do. I think i’m good at making friends, but bad at keeping them. But I’m going to make more of an effort to reach out to people from now on. So don’t get too weirded out if I text you just out of the blue. It’s just my effort to maintain our friendship :)

But one thing that gets me really mad is when I make the effort and the other person doesn’t respond. If that happens, I rarely try again. I’m going to have to fix that too.

Anyways, my study break has been wayyy too long. I need to get back to studying. Ahh good luck everyone! :D just one more week and we’re freeeee! da dul heem nae go, yul shim hee gong boo hae! HWAITING! :)

Oh yeah.

How could I have forgotten? Wow, I realized how I was living in a complete bubble - a life in complete denial. I tend to block out the things that hurt me. But how could I have forgotten the greatest pain and burden I’ve been carrying since I was young? How could I have forgotten the very thing that brought me so much tear as a child to this day? How could I have forgotten the very reason why I started my journey as a Christian? You shattered my bubble today, on this Thanksgiving day.

I was so comfortable living within the glass walls I’ve trapped myself in. People think I have no 눈치. It’s not that I don’t have 눈치, I can see everything perfectly clear. It’s just that I pretend not to hear, I pretend not to see, I pretend not to understand what’s going on outside my walls. Why? Because it’s easier that way. But You teared down my walls today, making me completely vulnerable. 

You broke me today. I thought everything was fine. Haha I’m so dumb. I’ve been living these past months at school not completely happy, but just content with everything in my life right now. Because I was satisfied, I began not to care and became very indifferent about everything. Since I did not have any major struggles, I began to drift slowly away from God. And I don’t even know why. 

I’m baffled at the thought of how I’ve been praying so much for other people and seeing how God answered my prayers, and how I’ve been praying so much for other nations, yet I forgot about the urgency within my own family. I guess I lost hope. I’ve been praying the same prayer ever since I was little, and after seeing no change, I gave up. How could I have given up?

Oh man, I haven’t been posting on tumblr in a while, so I wanted to post about how thankful I am of the friends and family I have and everything’s that’s been going on in my life and about my 19th birthday and whatnot, but nope, I can’t bring myself to write about that kind of stuff right now.

Even though I’m really upset and disappointed in myself, I guess I’m still thankful. Thank You for opening my eyes and giving me something to pray for. Thank You for giving me this opportunity to escape denial and come back to reality. Thank You for this struggle that I can surrender to You, that You can use to show me Your miracles, Your LOVE, and Your mercy.

One of the Mongolian staff sent me a message today with this verse: First Thessalonians 5:17-18 ” Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will.”

Wow, You are GOOD. Despite the circumstances and struggles You put me through, I know that You’re doing this out of love. Haha Satan, you thought this would bring me down? Well too bad :P This will make me pray more! This will strengthen my relationship with my Father. This will make me continuously thankful. And I will rejoice! For this is the WILL of God.

Thanks Chingoo! :)

While I was in one of my rare study zones, cramming and stressing for orgo, my friend comes over and writes me this poem:

For Sarah!

Passionate work

An example to follow

The eternal perks

Intelligent tomorrow

Persevere througout

Dark holes under eyes

Can’t live without

Coffee’s sleepless lies

Strength through satisfaction

On unending hope

Knowledge through action

And never say nope

Study hard!!

Haha he told me to tumblr this… -___- but i have to admit, it’s pretty good! Thanks for the encouragement :)

To those who are struggling:

Hey you! It’s okay to let everything out! Don’t hold it in! Even though I’m not much of a listener, just know that I’m here for you. At times, I wish I was like you. I cry too much, I have too many tears. But, even though it’s mad embarrassing, it’s okay! It feels a lot better to just let everything out and talk it out. I may not be able to give you much advise or give you a clear direction, but let me at least pray for you. There is nothing worse than holding in your tears, stress, worries, frustrations, anger, bitterness, etc. because it tends to build and no matter how hard you try to hide it, it shows through your actions and attitudes.

You are NOT alone! I’m always here for you to talk to. I don’t have much 눈치, so if you don’t tell me, I’m not going to know or I will misunderstand your actions/attitudes for other reasons. So tell me! If you’re having a hard time, it’s okay to tell me. You’re not burdening me. I want to help. I want to be there for you. I want to listen. I’ve been praying these days to help me be a better listener because quite frankly I have a hard time LISTENING.

When you’re having a hard time, remember this, God never puts you through a situation that is too much for you to handle. He NEVER harms those who love Him. And even if you don’t love Him, He does everything out of LOVE. You are LOVED! You are a PRECIOUS child of God. Don’t ever forget that. You are NOT alone. God is ALWAYS there for you! I’ll be there for you too! :] Just stretch out your hand, so we can help you up. Even if I don’t know you well, it’s okay, I won’t judge. I just want to encourage those who are struggling right now. Don’t worry too much. Don’t stress too much. Don’t think about it too much. You got this! You WILL overcome this! and You WILL grow from this! so HEEM NAE! <3

ahh!

omgosh. frustrated. annoyed. mad. angry. disappointed. upset. to da max. crazy how one little thing can tick you off like this. i hate when this happens. i don’t like it. can someone please make me laugh?

ㅋㅋㅋ

나 요즘 기분 너무 좋아아아~ and i know whyy ;]<3 kekeke. please don’t ruin it :D

:D

Got my smile BACK! and NOBODY’s taking it away! :P it’s MINE!

<3

All my delight is in You LORD,

All of my heart, all of my strength

All my delight is in You LORD,

Forever more

I am going to WILL return to those days when I found so much JOY in God, when I felt so HAPPY and STRONG. I am going to WILL have that “I don’t care cus God LOVES me anyways” mentality. I am going to WILL remain positive and find strength in the LORD. I am going to WILL be a faithful servant of God. I will NOT let anybody/anything hold me back, push me down, or get in my way. 

Realizations

After i got back to college, i started to realize a lot of things. It feels good to be back, but I feel like a lot has changed from freshmen year. I kinda wanna go back to freshmen year, back to the relaxed fun times, back to the peak of my spiritual growth. I really like sophomore year too, and I could tell God has a lot planned for me, but so much has changed. Some of my random realizations this year:

1. Who my real/genuine friends are

2. That my makeup DOESN’T run when I cry

3. I have a very competitive side to me

4. I like to play ping-pong

5. I like being used by God to encourage people when they’re down

6. That I get upset easily, but get happy easily too

7. That I procrastinate a lot

8. That I need to do QT, STUDY, EXERCISE on a regular basis

9. I have a lot of unnecessary fears, worries, concerns, and stress

10. I hate change

11. That I’m good at making friends, but bad at keeping them

12. That despite how lacking I am, I have friends who LOVE me and take care of me

13. I like taking care of the underclassmen

14. That I’m getting sick of reaching out to people

15. That it’s so difficult to genuinely LOVE

16. That I like smiling, but sometimes my smiling face is just a mask

17. I LOVE laughing :D

18. I’m so lazy

19. That even though I try my best to be nice to people, some people don’t give the same respect

20. People change - not only bad way

21. Korean class is MAD easy

22. Some people are so annoying

23. I NEED to learn how to take PT

24. I like playing the piano, even though I suck

25. Instead of doing stuff like this, I should be doing something more productive with my life

A couple goals i have in mind this semester:

1. Become boo sj for Destino

2. Strive for 5.0, fail, and settle for a 4.0 haha

3. Do QT daily and pray more often

4. Play FOOTBALL!

5. Go to study abroad next semester